Real life invades again...

Ah, hello day after Christmas. How I've missed you, old friend. The day when reality comes crashing back in reminding you that you that you are nothing more than a weak human. I am struggling today to remain positive and upbeat. It started with a phone call this morning. I think we have a plan for that situation...so it's taken care of. But never the less the bubble has been shattered. Real life sets in and doesn't let up.

To be honest this has not been my best Christmas. There have been lots of things that have gone on that have made me very sad, very angry and kind of depressed. Selfishness has made an appearance and tromped on both my Christmas eve and Christmas day. I am fighting bitterness over this. My kids came out smiling in the end, but that shadow that was cast over the holiday...it makes me angry. You see, like any parent, I want this time of year to be perfect for my kids. I do not want anything to bother them for those few short days. And this year...it didn't happen. I am very angry about it and trying to deal with it.

My husband was forced to miss Christmas day with our family due to things beyond my control...I'm really ill about that. Forgiveness is hard and I'm not there yet. Chris has had to spend so many Christmas's away from home, due to work...this year he had to opportunity to be here for all of it...and it was taken from him...by selfishness. I hope you can see why I'm angry.

On the bright side of life, the kids got lots of neat gifts. Lots of art supplies to draw and paint with. Cookie makers and sno cone makers and dolls and jewelry and clothes and toys and candy and more and more. Lots of good food, too. My house still looks like a bomb went off and spewed wrapping paper every where...but we'll work on that later.

Right now I'm trying to hold on to the thought that good still exists. That I am loved and wanted and that my family is ok. I'm trying to make it through without snapping and letting all the bad things in my head rush out of my mouth. Lord help me. Maybe I will leave you with a song...

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Tomorrow is Christmas eve. All through my childhood a night that was more magical than Christmas itself. It is one of my favorite nights of the year. Tomorrow night we celebrate with The Vaughn/Rice clan. Tomorrow will be spent cooking, doing crafts and wrapping last minute gifts. Spent with family close and friends in our hearts.

I'm 35 years old and I'm still not over the magic of Christmas. I never will be. As a child it was full of fun, candy and presents. A kid's dream. As an adult it was full of family and love and good memories. As a Christian it is a time of hope and wonderful reminders that Jesus loved us enough to come to earth. I can't get over it...I hope I never do. The King of Kings came down as a little baby, he went through all we go through...just because He loved us. That means He knows what I feel like when I feel cold and lonely. What I feel like when I see my friends faces after a long time apart. He knows how it feels to not sleep enough. To walk down a dusty road. To read a book. To hug and to care. He knows what it's like to be hungry. All these little things that make us human....He came and experienced them too, just because He loved us. If that does not blow your mind, you need a better mind.

My father preached one of the best sermons I have ever heard this morning. Peace on earth, good will toward men. He told a story of a man who was waiting on Jesus to come and dine with him. And the doorbell rang, and standing there was a ragged man, no shoes and cold. He invited him in, gave him shoes and a warm coat and then the man was on his way. Then, not long later, an old woman was at the door...just looking for a bit of rest. He invited her in and served her food and bade her to rest until she felt strong enough to continue with her journey. She too, left. Then the man heard a small voice asking for help and he opened his door to find a little child who was lost. He took the child home. When he came back, the day was gone and he was disappointing that he had not dined with Jesus. But as he prayed and asked the Lord why He had not come and dined with him, the Lord answered, I did come...in the man with no shoes and the woman looking for rest and the child who was lost. And you cared for me and gave me shoes and rest and showed me the way home. How many times do we do that? We say we do it all the time, but do we really? When someone drops something in Walmart...do we walk on by or do we bend down and pick it up for them? Little things like that make a difference in the lives of others. When you look back on your life it will not be the big things that stand out...but all those little things that seemed very unimportant at the time. Those are the things that make us who we are...those are the fabric of our lives. That is how we show Jesus to others...in the small things. Ripples in a pond always start out small...but they spread. That small ripple will continue to grow until it touches the very edges of the pond. Just as the small kindness you show someone will grow in their heart until it reaches the very core of their soul.

So, as you go through all the magic that is Christmas, remember the small things. Our lives are made up of small things. They grow and make us who we are...they touch every life around us. What do your small things say about you?

So, who am I?

I am not the person I was...that I can tell you. The person I was would snap you in half like a green bean. I would tear you to pieces without a warning. I am no longer that person. I am quieter, more easy going. I am more polite and kinder. I give second, third and even fourth chances. I smile often. I offer kind words in place of the evil I once did. I do what I can to support and uplift. I follow my husband's lead and his voice. I take up his cause and do what I can to further it.

But, I am not a push over. I am not a lap dog. The people that surround me now, do not know this. They have never seen me put my foot down, there has never been a need to, until now. All they have known is the easy going wife, who helps where she can.

The line was drawn for our little couple and not even 24 hours later a phone call to me to help with a little party. Fine, but did you take care of the business you need to yet? Did you hold to your end of the bargain? No??? Then we have a problem. And when I put my foot down, the whining and blame began. The accusations that I was being unfair and siding with the wrong party. It was like talking to one of my kids instead of an adult. Bottom line...you have unfinished business. You have NO business throwing a fancy party until that first thing is taken care of. Period. End of story. Be an adult and take care of your business. Then you can play. That's how the rest of us do it...time for you to step up into the world of responsibility.

That was my day today...only the entire thing was carried out in text messages. Which have been safely saved and emailed to those who need to know what is going on. Ah, I love the holidays...