Saturday, February 9, 2013

Coming Undone

Coming Undone by Korn

Keep holding on when my brain's ticking like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come and came to get me
Sweet bitter words unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along, mockingbird, you don't affect me

That's right
Deliver it to my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate

Wait, I'm coming undone
Irate, I'm coming undone
Too late, I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
Wait, I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate

Choke, choke again, I thought my demons were my friends
Pity me in the end, they're out to get me
Since I was young I tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun does not protect me
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net ]


That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now

Wait, I'm coming undone
Irate, I'm coming undone
Too late, I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
Wait, I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate

I'm
trying to hold it together
head is lighter than a feather
looks like I'm not getting better
not getting better

Wait, I'm coming undone
Irate, I'm coming undone
Too late, I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
Wait, I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate

_______________________________________________________________

I love this song.  And to some people that may seem odd...but let's look at it from my perspective.  I have a Mental Illness....yes, God has seen fit to heal my mind and I don't have near the issues I once did...but I still have a Mental Illness.  I still place myself in that category...I am still one of  us.  It's like anything else in life, there is a bond there.  

And this song is about going crazy.  Pure and simple.  I wish I had Jonathan Davis' talent for putting all my pain into words like this.  I relate to him...because he and I are of the same kind.  So I relate to this song.  I know what this song is about.  This song is for me.

For someone with a sound mind, that is a terror inducing statement.  But for those of us who know...that song is a release.  It let's the evil out of your head and relieves the pain.  It's comforting.

Many of you who read this blog, only know the Stacey who is presented to the world.  You've seen very little of the real me.  I feel that the real me is a dark and dangerous thing.  It takes a ton of effort to walk in the normal world sometimes for people like me.  It drains your strength.  That is why most of us do a little something called "isolating".  We remove ourselves from most situations.  Stay home, go places alone.  It's easier that way.  You end up having more energy.  We also don't sleep well...so that doesn't help the energy situation.

Now, in the past year, I have made real progress.  I often enjoy the company of others and smiles come more easily.  I often seek out companionship on my own...with out prodding.  I have even taken to friending old high school-mates and seeing what their lives have been like.  I'm growing.  I see more light than dark these days and my soul is lighter.  I am a fairly happy person and a fairly normal person.  I am very appreciative of what I have.

But always in my mind is the thought of what could be.  The darkness is always there, partly disturbing, partly comforting in some ways.  Some days it scares the snot out of me and some days I don't mind it at all.  Like I said, I'm getting better.  If only my temper would even out...I might pass for normal.

That being said...I will always find comfort in Korn's music...I know how the mind that wrote it works and that is comforting to me.  I think people feel that this music is evil and hate filled.  But it's really just someone's reality.  It's really just a lot of people's reality.  

Anyway...enjoy your weekend....be full of light and hope.  Enjoy your good health and good friends.