Excitement!!

I am so excited! We filed our taxes! ( How often do you hear that? lol) We are getting back a large chunk of change. We will be able to pay off 3 bills and still have money left over for a little indulgence! I am so ready for those bills to be paid off! Life will be so much easier with those paid off. The kids should be able to start back to karate once some money is freed up for gas. Then I won't be paying useless karate dues. And if my van doesn't break, which I have this horrible feeling that it will, I might be able to get my camera that I've wanted for 3 years now. I just have this horrible feeling that the van is gonna die...I don't know why...fear of Murphy's Law maybe. Either way, 3 bills get paid off....so I'm happy...

A critter update

I was readying through my blog and realize I had not updated on my critters. Firstly, Satchel....she got a virus and died about a week after I posted about her. I am still very upset about it, I carried her around with me everywhere and I was very attached to her. After she died, I started looking for a new pup and found Zeke. (he is the black puppy in the pic) And not long after that I found Summer (the white boxer). Summer is about 2 years old and spoiled rotten. She knows several commands, but her best one is sit pretty. She will sit up and do the whole cute paws in the air thing. Zeke is equally as rotten, but know no tricks as he will not sit still long enough to learn any. Zeke is 4 months old and going to be huge, he is already as big as Summer. And then to Heat, our greyhound. He bit Kaelyn about a month ago, bruising up her arm pretty good. I decided that he needed a new home after that. I don't know if he would have ever done it again or not, but I did not want to take the chance. He is being placed in a new home without children. In fact that adoption agency contacted me this week to tell me he will be going to an adoption group in Canada in a few days. Brownie, Emma's dog, is still around despite being shot twice this year. He's too annoying to die. He does come in from time to time and chill in the house, but then he starts tearing things apart and trash diving and has to go back out. And then there's the cats. They are all still here. We've had no more tragedies since the big one. Thank goodness. Bucky, the large tortoise, is wintering in a box in the living room. This has worked out surprisingly well for all concerned. He's not messing up my kitchen floor and yet, he still is staying warm. Everybody is happy. I was given a salt water tank a few months ago. It's been a battle. Currently I am battling aipstaisa, red slime algae and bristle worms. I only have 2 fish in there right now along with some crabs, snails and urchin. I hope to get a cleaner pack of critters next week to take care of all the problem species and then I will stock it with fish. I am also ready to get started on a second salt water tank, this one for seahorses. I will have to go slow with this one...as it requires planning and a very established tank. But I'm hoping to be ready to order my seahorses in late spring. Well, that is the critter update...I love em like my family....

School begins...

Chris had his first full week of school this week. It went well. It looks like all the worrying he did over getting behind during the snow was for nothing. He's ahead in most of his classes. I think when he settles in his stress level will go down...at least I hope so. We discussed him just going to school and not working while he's in school, he's giving it some thought. Attie's birthday went well. We had cupcakes and ice cream and she loved it. She got some nice jewelry for her birthday. I handed down my diamond earrings and necklace to her and mom got her a cross necklace. She didn't want to go back to school after being out a week, and all this week she hasn't been real happy about going. Well, until today...they had a pep rally and she was excited about that. Some motivational thing about not being a bully with a guy dressed up as a fox doing tricks and things. She was really excited about it when I picked her up. Emma and Kaelyn are doing well. Both made good grades on their last report cards. Other than they have been trying to take each others heads of nothing really out of the ordinary with them. As for me, I talked with Chris and I'm going to start individual therapy this year. I go for my reintake in February and I'm going to have them change me over. I've wasted a year in group, I'm ready to move on. Maybe I can make some real progress this year. Maybe, we'll see...

Long overdue update

Well, it's almost a new year. I'm glad to be kicking this year behind me. Lots of things have been going on, but we'll get the psych stuff out of the way first. Went to the doc a few days before Christmas, she's happy with the cocktail of pills I'm on now and I have to admit I feel pretty good. So, no changes in meds this go round. I still have a long way to go, the house is not where I would like it to be, but I'm making little steps towards it. I am hoping that after the first of the year gets here and things settle down I can do individual therapy for a while. That will be something interesting. Christmas was good, the kids got everything they wanted and then some. I did not have as good a Christmas as I wished I had. I was sick before Christmas, so it kind of threw me off. But I guess we all have an off year every now and then. Dad is recovering from his knee replacement well. I've not done as well as he has. I have had to shift my view of my father and it has really bothered me. I have had to shift from him being the strong, all knowing father type to the his body is failing and I can't really deal with it type. His CHF seems fairly under control for the time being. However the pain in his back and leg are not getting any better. He is able to walk with just a cane now, and without one for short distances. I'm just not dealing well with the reality of his health and that he really is a senior citizen. My father has always been the one I've turned to for answers about everything...he has been the one who has beaten death time and again. And now to view him as frail...it seems so wrong. He should not have to face the indignity of having to get old, his health should remain well and steady. I now have the constant fear that he won't be here tomorrow...I think about it all the time and wonder if I'll be ready. (See...refer back to me needing individual therapy) Chris will be starting back to school in a few short weeks. Not sure if I'm ready for that either. I am making it through most nights he is at work fairly well and with a minimum of medication. But this will take him to classes 1 or 2 nights a week on top of work. And then there is the hours of online courses he will be taking. I feel like my world is shifting beneath my feet. I'm not sure what it will look like when it becomes still again. I guess that is all, it's all I have energy for anyways...

UGH

Nausea, headaches, dizziness, exhaustion, craving salty foods, sweet foods taste funny. I want to know who the sadist is that invented a medicine that mimics all the bad things in pregnancy??? I feel awful. I'm sleepy all the time, I'm nauseous all the time. Nothing tastes right. I could eat salt out of the shaker. I have a headache almost every night. And there's no pay off in 9 months....there's just dealing with the side effects and living with it. I go back to the doctor in late December and if it's still this bad I'm telling her I want off this stuff. I've been on it, 2 months now, I think. And I've been sick the entire time, but lately it's gotten worse. I could go to bed a 5pm and not get up till 7 or 8 the next morning. In fact, I did do that last night and at 5pm this evening I was yawning and ready to sleep!! This just sucks.....

Doctor Visit

I went to the doctor this morning, Chris went with me. No changes in my meds this time, but some changes in lifestyle. I am supposed to turn over the money, checkbook and debit card to Chris. Which is hard, I'm used to having it all the time. I'm also supposed to start with a very small and very easy list of 3 things to do a day. After 2 weeks I'm supposed to add 1 thing to the list and keep going from there. This is supposed to keep me from getting overwhelmed. I am also to do 1 thing a week that makes me feel good, and to focus on positive things since I've been feeling so down. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can dig myself out of this hole. I feel so helpless, kinda lost in the middle of it all. I can't even begin to know where to start. It feels like everything is over my head. So maybe these things will help me and I will get back on track.

It starts tonight

That's the name of the song I'm listening to right now. Love me some TobyMac and John Cooper!! However, it is an appropriate title. I got a new puppy. She is a 6 week old BullBoxer. She is absolutely adorable. I named her Satchel. I am hoping that she will give me a little boost and help me. Help me move more out of the depression and help me be able to get out and be more social. Lots of hopes riding on such a tiny little thing. But I have to have that hope, the other side of that is darker than I can bear to think about. So, I pin a ton of my hopes on little Satchel.