Friday, March 22, 2013

The Spring Blahs????

I have been feeling really down here lately.  I just feel like the world is out to get me. Like everyone thinks I'm worthless.  It seems like everywhere I turn, people seem to be pointing out my faults.  It's been a rough week or so.  I thought this was supposed to happen in winter?  I guess that it's more proof that I am not normal.

I feel like screaming, but at the same time, I wonder if it's even worth it.  What happened to the me who was confident and happy?  Ugh.  I should be sleeping right now...but no, I'm not.  Every time I closed my eyes I hear those voices telling me how worthless I am.  I kinda feel like I've hit the bottom of the barrel and it's a long way up again.  And it's a really tiring journey and I'm really tired and what I really want is just to rest.

I'm in one of those places where I wonder, why?  Why me?  Why now?  And all those other questions that go along with that train of thought.  I'm beyond tired of being so worn thin.  I want a break....any break.  Just  one thing to go right for a change.  Just one.  I want to know where I'm going on this journey and I want some solid ground to stand on and I want to know that it will be ok in the end.  I find myself short on faith right now...I find myself short on a lot of things right now.  I just want some answers.  I've been walking in this fog for so drains every ounce of energy I have.  I want a glimpse of where I am headed.

I feel very human right now.  Very alone.  I know it won't last forever, but it does seem that way right now.
Here is a song I often listen to in times like these...It helps me move on again...

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