Sunday, May 27, 2012

When did that happen?

At some point, I grew up. When did that happen? When did I leave the me, me, me of youthfulness and head into the role of caretaker of others? I'm not talking about becoming a mom. Any woman can become a mom with a little practice. I'm talking about being a person that others seek out for comfort and serious council. When did I cross the line and become that person? It kind of took me by suprise, to be honest. I never saw myself in that role. I am totally a self centered person in my view. I think about me and my family and what we need. But I find myself in more and more situations where people are confiding in me, trusting me with things they have not trusted other people with. When did I become responsible enough for that? I think there is a little self doubt, as there always is. But maybe a little smile too, that I have grown to be someone people can feel comfortable talking to. Have I come so far in my journey that now I can begin to give back? Have I made it to that milestone? Should I be scared that I have? Lots of questions. Have I in 3 long years of therapy made that much it even possible? Is there a light at the end of my tunnel that I can glimpse at now? Is that ever elusive normalacy just around the corner for me? I know that I feel more comfortable in my own skin now days, which is quite the acomplishment. I feel more comfortable around others too. I laugh more, I joke more. I smile alot more. I have more memories. My children smile more, heck, Chris even smiles more. It feels strange to achieve a goal. More strange to have achieved it and not realized it and then it suddenly hits you in the face to get your attention. I think I'm liking this new me. There's still plenty of the sarchasm of the old me in there, the snarky humor. But I also have found that smiling is fun and laughing is even better. I have friends now...real ones. Ones that I can call on and know they will back me up. I have never really had that before. I have added to my family people I never thought of and people I would have never been comfortable with before. But I still come back to the original question...when did it all happen? I'm not sure, but I think it's here to stay.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

It's been a while...

I've been alive...just coasting along.  Attie has been very sick this past it's been alot of cuddling and doctor appointments.  They switched her to Omnicef and it seems to be working...she's had less fever the past 24 hours.  Kaelyn and Emma are sick as well, sinus infections...but nothing near Attie's level.  I will be glad when the sickness is gone!!
2 more days of school left and summer begins!!!  I am looking forward to it.  I am planning a trip to the zoo this's been years since we've been.  I think we are long overdue for some zoo fun!  Chris and I start back to school the 24th of May, yay.  I will have a class on Tuesdays that I have to be on campus for and I think his is Wednesday nights.  I'm looking forward to it...being useful again or at least it makes me feel that way.  I'm taking 2 computer courses, a math refresher and a first aid class.  I will find out in June if I made it into the Medical Billing and Coding program.  I really hope I
We found some really neat old burlap coffee sacks at Mike's and we bought a bunch of them and turned them into curtains.  They look really good.  I have found a love for repurposing things.  Chris also built a chicken pen out of some grid rack we had left over from the old Petblah days...repurposing!!!!  I love it!!!  I am running late on Spring pictures, everytime I get a day where we can rains.  Gotta love the weather.  I am hoping that Attie will feel well enough by mid week and we can go to the park and do a set then.  I've gotta figure out clothing for them...hmm..what to dress them in????  I did some retouches to a few snap shots and printed them out as 8 x 10's and they look super.  I did them over saturated and they just pop.  I'm going to put them in my little hallway.  I will try to post a pic when they are up.  I have them framed, but we are having to rewire the frames and that's not done yet.
Well, that's all I can think to blab about.  Lots of things, lots of sickness.  Till next time...TTFN!!! Photobucket