Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Well, it's almost a new year. I'm glad to be kicking this year behind me. Lots of things have been going on, but we'll get the psych stuff out of the way first. Went to the doc a few days before Christmas, she's happy with the cocktail of pills I'm on now and I have to admit I feel pretty good. So, no changes in meds this go round. I still have a long way to go, the house is not where I would like it to be, but I'm making little steps towards it. I am hoping that after the first of the year gets here and things settle down I can do individual therapy for a while. That will be something interesting. Christmas was good, the kids got everything they wanted and then some. I did not have as good a Christmas as I wished I had. I was sick before Christmas, so it kind of threw me off. But I guess we all have an off year every now and then. Dad is recovering from his knee replacement well. I've not done as well as he has. I have had to shift my view of my father and it has really bothered me. I have had to shift from him being the strong, all knowing father type to the his body is failing and I can't really deal with it type. His CHF seems fairly under control for the time being. However the pain in his back and leg are not getting any better. He is able to walk with just a cane now, and without one for short distances. I'm just not dealing well with the reality of his health and that he really is a senior citizen. My father has always been the one I've turned to for answers about everything...he has been the one who has beaten death time and again. And now to view him as frail...it seems so wrong. He should not have to face the indignity of having to get old, his health should remain well and steady. I now have the constant fear that he won't be here tomorrow...I think about it all the time and wonder if I'll be ready. (See...refer back to me needing individual therapy) Chris will be starting back to school in a few short weeks. Not sure if I'm ready for that either. I am making it through most nights he is at work fairly well and with a minimum of medication. But this will take him to classes 1 or 2 nights a week on top of work. And then there is the hours of online courses he will be taking. I feel like my world is shifting beneath my feet. I'm not sure what it will look like when it becomes still again. I guess that is all, it's all I have energy for anyways...
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Nausea, headaches, dizziness, exhaustion, craving salty foods, sweet foods taste funny. I want to know who the sadist is that invented a medicine that mimics all the bad things in pregnancy??? I feel awful. I'm sleepy all the time, I'm nauseous all the time. Nothing tastes right. I could eat salt out of the shaker. I have a headache almost every night. And there's no pay off in 9 months....there's just dealing with the side effects and living with it. I go back to the doctor in late December and if it's still this bad I'm telling her I want off this stuff. I've been on it, 2 months now, I think. And I've been sick the entire time, but lately it's gotten worse. I could go to bed a 5pm and not get up till 7 or 8 the next morning. In fact, I did do that last night and at 5pm this evening I was yawning and ready to sleep!! This just sucks.....
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I went to the doctor this morning, Chris went with me. No changes in my meds this time, but some changes in lifestyle. I am supposed to turn over the money, checkbook and debit card to Chris. Which is hard, I'm used to having it all the time. I'm also supposed to start with a very small and very easy list of 3 things to do a day. After 2 weeks I'm supposed to add 1 thing to the list and keep going from there. This is supposed to keep me from getting overwhelmed. I am also to do 1 thing a week that makes me feel good, and to focus on positive things since I've been feeling so down. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can dig myself out of this hole. I feel so helpless, kinda lost in the middle of it all. I can't even begin to know where to start. It feels like everything is over my head. So maybe these things will help me and I will get back on track.
Monday, October 18, 2010
That's the name of the song I'm listening to right now. Love me some TobyMac and John Cooper!! However, it is an appropriate title. I got a new puppy. She is a 6 week old BullBoxer. She is absolutely adorable. I named her Satchel. I am hoping that she will give me a little boost and help me. Help me move more out of the depression and help me be able to get out and be more social. Lots of hopes riding on such a tiny little thing. But I have to have that hope, the other side of that is darker than I can bear to think about. So, I pin a ton of my hopes on little Satchel.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Well, this morning I am sitting in the car with Chris waiting to leave on a field trip with Attie's class when my phone rings. It's the school, they need me to come to the office because Kaelyn got caught stealing from the school's little store in the office. Needless to say I was not happy. I go in and talk to the counselor and to Kaelyn. I did not yell...for that I am proud. I call my mother to come and get her, because they suspended her until I can have a meeting with the principal. (who was in a meeting at the time) Chris decides to skip the trip and stay home to deal with Kaelyn, so he hops out of the car as we are pulling out. We had a good time at Tate Farms, despite Attie being overwhelmed by the sheer number of people there. Lots of good pics and she did have a good time. We even stopped for ice cream on the way home. She got a cute little pumpkin and I got a medium sized one. I always love the pumpkin patch field trip....it's my favorite. So, I get back home and talk to Kaelyn. We go over everything, the punishments, the reasons she should never do this again...all that stuff. I am just not sure what to do, this is the 2nd time this year she's been caught stealing. So, even though she is grounded...I don't see it having a lasting effect...she just got ungrounded from the first time and then turned around and did it again. Her counselor suggested having a parole officer talk to her and I thought about taking her for a tour of the jail. Try to scare the crap out of her with where this little problem could land her. I'm just baffled. I give my kids everything I can. They know stealing is wrong. This should be a cake walk decision. Why is she choosing wrong? I have no answer for this....it's frustrating!!!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Not much is going on. Chris is still in work hardening. He's hating every minute of it. He's got 2 weeks until he checks in with the doctor. Hoping life gets more normal after this visit. Not sure if they will let him go back to work full time or not, I feel like it's still too early. I am just convinced he needs more time to heal before he starts chucking large bags of food again. I went in to the doctor early. I've not been doing so well in the past month. She put me on Lithium. I've been on it almost a week and I think it's working. Guess I need to give it some more time and see. I think I'm a little slower than I was. I don't have the urge to scream and run around the room anymore....so I'm guessing it's working a little. Other than that it's just business as normal. Oh, I did get 2 new kittens. They are Maine Coons, 3 months old. Their names are Alice and Bella. They are beyond cute, but wow are they active! They are very aggressive cuddlers as well. And Bella likes to bite me on the nose for some reason. Alice is cute, she has no tail. Well, that's all the fun I can think of for now. I'll try to post on a more regular basis...but we all know it'll be few and far inbetween!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Chris started work hardening this week. I am hoping they are able to build up his strength in his arm without causing him terrible pain. He will do this for a month and then go back to the doctor for another evaluation. He's still working part time, mostly closing...which gets old. There's not much to tell, it is mostly just waiting until the next evaluation and hoping that it goes well and he can progress to the next level.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Chris started back to work part time this week. He still can't use his arm at all, but at least he's working. He's working nights, closing 5 nights a week, 5 hours a night. Not much, but a start back to normal. Kaelyn and Emma start school the 11th and Attie the 16th. Attie goes half days for the first 2 weeks, then she goes full time. So, that means the first of September will be a whole new ball game for the Vaughn house. The karate schedule will change that week, Attie will start preK full time and I will be alone for the majority of the day. I have no idea how I will handle it. I imaging that I will take a few naps and just enjoy the silence to begin with. I will be able to grocery shop without 3 kids slowing me down. I might even be able to go out to lunch for a change...who know what wild and crazy things I will get into...
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Chris went back to the doctor and with a little (or a lot) promising that he won't use his arm, he will go back to work part time in 2 weeks. He can't use his left arm at all. He will still get his pay from LTD, but he will get to work for the rest of his pay...so that means a little break week to week. He will get to talk about upping his work hours in a month, when he visits the doctor again. We are preparing for company next week. Cheri and Chris should be in Tuesday or Wednesday. I think they are staying for a week. I'm looking forward to getting out of the house while they're here and doing something. This summer has been rough!!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
I have this feeling like I'm heading in the wrong direction. I just feel out of control and totally out of my mind. This could be in part due to the fact that the dog ate most of my antidepressants and I have been without them for a week. It's a possibility. I've been tossing around the idea of opening my own forum...you know something that would fill the void that not working has left me with. But I've been wishy washy about the whole thing. I mean, it's a lot of work. I would like to enjoy my hobby, not have it turn into a lot of work. But on the other hand, I want a place that I can set my own limits on what is acceptable and what is not. A place where I can be creative in any way I choose to be. And so on and so forth goes this argument in my head. I also want a ferret for some odd reason. Found one, but not getting it. I have enough to worry about in my life. Maybe when Chris goes back to work I will get one. Anyway....that is what is rambling through my mind right now. Scary place to be stuck in....eh?
Friday, July 2, 2010
Chris is still out of work. He has been able to step up to therapy 2 times a week. And they are adding more exercises to his therapy. He goes back to the doctor the end of July and the doctor said they would talk about going back to work then. I think he is ready to have this behind him and get on with life. I am, it's been nice to have him home, but this holding pattern our life has been in is getting tiring.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Chris goes back to see the doctor this week. He'll bump up his therapy and all. We are still 2 months out from him being able to go back to work. Things are tight but we are making it. We've had to do some shuffling with bills and things, but so far everything has gotten paid. Chris is driving me nuts...he stays in a perpetual bad mood. I'll be glad when he goes back to work...lol. Just think...September gets here and it will just be me for most of the day. Kids will be in school, Chris at work, and what will I do? I have no idea, but I hope I enjoy it! I'll be able to get my nails done without having to have a babysitter. I can go grocery shopping by myself. I can go out to lunch with friends kid free. Catch up with friends I have long neglected due to not having a sitter. But I'm also a little apprehensive about it. I've not been kidless in over 9 years. All I know is being mom...so what's it gonna feel like to have time to myself with no mom requirements? I do know I'll spend some time at the school, volunteering and such. And there will be the field trips. All in all I think I will be ok with it!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Well, Chris is doing well. He's doing much better than the first time he had surgery. He's moving his arm better, earlier. He started therapy today and will only go 1 time a week for the next 3 weeks, then he sees the doctor again. I have realized that we are gonna have so much money when Chris goes back to work....cause if we can make it on 2/3 of his salary...just think what life will be like when we have it all again. Guess it takes living through it to make you believe that you can do it!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Well after a hellacious weekend, we are on the road to recovery. I was sick Friday with a virus...it took me till Sunday to get over it. Which left both me and Chris out of commission and in pissy moods. Things were not good at all....to say the least. But now it's Monday, I am feeling better and Chris got his meds filled and is dealing a little better with the pain. So, it's better, right? lol He won't go for a follow up until the 24th and no PT until after then...so yay. I've condensed karate into 2 days a week to allow for doctor and therapy visits in the future. Right now it's just hit my that I don't have anything in mind for supper tonight. I'm so used to Chris cooking..yack for me...I have to cook.
Monday, May 10, 2010
We are still waiting on Chris' surgery to be scheduled. We should hear something this week. Seems like my life is all about the holding pattern right now. Chris has been off work for a month now, and we are still doing ok. I'm still kinda panicking a bit every now and then, but on the whole I'm ok. Chris is tired of waiting. I can't blame him. He's taken to doodling a strange cartoon duck, and that's got my concerned....hehehe. But over all my life seems to be holding still in a way, we're not going under but we are not really moving forward either. It's a funny type of feeling. I still worry about what will happen when he's ready to go back to work....but I guess I need to save that for when it's actually a pressing issue.
Friday, April 23, 2010
I am without children for about 1 1/2 hours. Chris took them all to karate and let me have some alone time. I'm sitting outside listening to the birds and playing on the computer. What a way to spend some down time!!! We have finally got the garden planted, just in time for tomorrow's rain. They are saying words like "tornado" alot...so I'm wondering how bad it is going to be. I hope for just a nice stormy day....a little thunder and all, but nothing deadly. I find that really relaxing. I registered Attie for PreK today. In 3 months she will start school. I can't imagine my life without kids at home. What will I do? I have no idea. Part of me is looking forward to having some me time, part of me is terrified of all that alone time. I think I will have to cultivate some friends to go out with. One thing is for sure....I'll have a lot more PSP time!! That I'm gonna love. I took the van to a mechanic last week, he basically told me not to waste my money and start looking for another vehicle. Dandy. I've really enjoyed having no car payments. And with Chris's work situation so unstable we don't dare try to buy anything. So we are driving it till it literally falls apart and then we will make do with just Chris's car until we can afford another payment. Speaking of Chris, he went for his MRI on his shoulder this morning. We won't know anything until the doctor sees him Wednesday. I'm not sure how I feel about it all. I really want his shoulder to be fixed and pain free, but I worry about the loss of income while that is happening. I mean, yes, we have made it through worse times, but I'd prefer not to do it again. Well, I suppose that is all I can come up with. I'm going to sit here and enjoy the silence and the breeze...
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I think I have settled down a bit. I'm still nervous and worried about how things are gonna work out. But the world has not fallen on us yet. In fact, today is down right perfect. Chris and the kids are planting herbs and flowers and veggies and Heater and I are sitting under a tree watching them. I've taken way too many pictures of it...113. LOL I can't wait to scrap some pages from them. I would be doing that right now...but out in the sunlight I can't judge the colors on the screen as well as I can indoors...so it'll keep for a bit till I can see right. We have a plethora of flowers and herbs in containers on 2 of the porches. And 2 pineapple tops as well. So we will see what happens with all this greenery. We took the kids to the flea market yesterday. Got some good deals on produce and came home with 2 very furry rabbits and a scrawny kitten. The rabbits are named Snowball and Fuzzball. The kitten I named Talula. She is a tiny little thing...my hairbrush is bigger than she is. Honestly...I took a picture of her next to the hairbrush. I'll have to post it. Well, I guess I'd better get up and join in the fun....can't let them have it all, can I?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
I am trying not to panic, really I am. Chris is off work and we are not sure when he'll be able to go back. We are not 100% sure the short term disability will kick in in 2 weeks. We are not sure of anything. Me going back to work has been discussed, but what if I can't handle it? I mean, hell, I have trouble keeping my house clean....how the hell am I supposed to handle a job? The whole business scares the shit out of me. And what would I do? I let my certification lapse, I never intended to work again. I don't even know if I can get re-certified at this point. Holy crap, holy crap, holy freaking crap. I want to buy tubes...bad. A sure sign that I'm stressed. Well, Chris just got home....maybe I can calm down enough to sleep tonight.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Man, just when you think things are going good, someone throws a brick through your window and shatters everything. Chris is hurt again, his job is not happy about this and is being difficult over it. Very difficult. He is now off work until he gets an MRI and he is searching for another job. I hope he can find something. I'm all paranoid and nervous about it all. I'm trying not to be, but hey...he's our only source of income. The prospect of loosing that income is enough to make anyone nervous. I'm really hoping something good happens and this all works out.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
The past 2 week have been extremely tight in the budget area. Without a cent to spare....literally. But I am hoping next week will be better....Chris has a bonus coming in that will help out. Other than being down right broke...nothing has been going on. We've just been hanging in there. I was hoping to go and do some pictures today....but Chris has Masters class this evening...so not sure I'm gonna get to do that even. I'd really like to get them done today cause it is absolutely gorgeous outside right now. And I have the girls clothes ready. And I'm dying to edit some pictures!! I think I have pretty much talked myself into going down to the dam as soon as the kids get home and I get them ready. I also have quite a few places within walking distance that I can do good pics at here....so yeah, I think we are gonna go ahead and do pics. I got my phone blinged out today. I should not have, but Chris said I could, so I got a new cover for it and a charm to go on it. It's pink stripes with a pink butterfly charm. Chris got this cat sitter video for the cats....it's just fish tanks with nature sounds and that thing is so relaxing, I may put it on during the day just to chill out! Well I better go and get things ready if I'm going picture taking...the kids get home in about 25 minutes!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Okies, here's the low down. I think Leprechaun's are kinda goofy. So, for my belated birthday party. I got a ton of them. Nate showed up dressed as one....my cake was a total St. Patrick's theme. I got green all around, even got a copy of Darby O'Gil and the Little People. Yes, even. They went all out. Gotta love my friends. Well, all is not lost...Janet' birthday is coming up this fall and I see Elmo in her future!! I have the cake pan and I will use it!!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Well, we had a blast with Chicken Wing Fest. I am full, I am happy. Somehow it turned into a belated birthday party for me...which was cool. Made me feel all loved and such. lol I got some really nice things and some really creepy things. Look for Janet to post pics on Facebook. I will try to post some here when I steal them from Janet. My cake was really cool. Lori made it. There is a long story behind it all, and right now I am too tired to type it all out, so I will save it for when I post pics.
It's time for the Spring Wing Fest!!! We do it every year. Chris cooks tons of chicken wings and our friends come over and we have soooo much fun! I'm so excited...people to talk to!!!! I know I am sad, but what can I say? I'm a SAHM....I have no one but a 4 year old to talk to. I get excited over small things....hehehe
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
As if we have not had enough of it. Someone shot Brownie today. He looks like he is going to be ok. I was low down on one of his rear legs. Vet said to keep it clean and let it heal up on it's own, that messing with it was just more likely to cause an infection. He's in the house in his crate sleeping right now. I guess by the time he heals up he's gonna be a house dog too. He doesn't like staying in the house all the time though...but what can I do? I can't have him getting shot at all the time. At least it wasn't one of the greys....Ridge got out earlier and was running around loose for about 20 minutes....I was terrified I'd never catch him. But when he got tired he ran back into the house. Ok...there is something making a weird noise outside my house...I"m gonna go see what it is....
Yes, sickness is gone. The funeral is over. We are back into real life. I'm sitting at the studio while Attie and Emma have class. Emma is whining because she is bored, waiting on class is not her favorite thing. Attie is in class right now. It's been a long spring break and I'm glad to see it go. I tell you bad luck just comes in bunches. I'm ready for some good luck now. I'm really excited about Chicken wings this Saturday. I'm ready for some good food, some good friends and maybe some good old fashioned goofiness.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
This has been the worst spring break in history!! I am glad it is over. We, of course, had the plague for most of the week. And then my uncle died last night. So we are getting ready for the funeral Monday. I'm not sure I'll even send the kids to school Monday...I'd just have to pull them right back out to have them ready for the funeral in time. So I'm not sure it's worth the headache of getting them up and ready for school in the first place. Poor Julie called earlier today, she has the swine flu....and she's worried she's given it to everyone else. She can't go back to work for a week. They thought Chris had the swine flu as well...so we've had our dose of bad luck for now. Chris is still looking forward to his time off next week. He's modified the days he was going to take off, but he'll still get a 3 day weekend out of it. I'm looking forward to being able to see our friends again and having some good food. I'm ready for some laughter after this week. The kids did get out and play a little today and some yesterday as well. At least they got to do that much...maybe tomorrow will continue with this nice weather and they can play out tomorrow as well before we head out to the funeral home...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Well, it's down to me. Attie woke up throwing up this morning. Chris is still sick with it. It seems to be worse in adults than kids. Just great. So I'm just waiting....I really hope I escape it! I have not done pressies in a while. Bad me. I've been tagging my rear off so there is really no excuse...I'm just forgetful. Anyway...enjoy!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Yeah, not so much. We've had the virus. Kaelyn and Emma had it over the weekend. Chris had it today. Just waiting on me and Attie to get it now. I'm hoping I get sick credit and am allowed to skip it. I'm sick enough as it is! What a wonderful start to spring break! We've been holed up in the house avoiding everyone....and yet my father still managed to get it as well. I have been seriously slacking on my housework since I've been sick...so tomorrow I'm gonna have to kick it into gear and get this place caught back up. That'll be loads of fun. Right now I'm just trying not to strangle the kids....they are driving me nuts. If they are not at each other's throats, they are banging on the walls and floors and generally trying to dismantle the house. I predict a fun week ahead for me...LOL.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
I was trying to find a way to cover the month without a ton of wordage...and well, the obvious hit me!! I made a slide show! I uploaded pics from the entire month for everyone to see! I did omit Chris' tattoo because those pics are uploaded on myspace and you can see them there. But without further ado...here it is!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
But whatever does? I left early this morning intending on getting all my errands done before I met my mom to go shopping. I'm halfway through breakfast (Attie and I always eat breakfast out on Friday mornings) and my phone rings. It's the school, saying Kaelyn got sick on the bus and I need to come get her. Okies, off I go to the school. I get there and check Kae out and then Emma's teacher walks in and says Emma is not feeling well either. So, I check Emma out and call the doctor. I got them both an appointment by some miracle. Well, they do the routine strep test, which thankfully turns out negative for both girls. So maybe it's a virus. He said both had some serious sinus drainage going on...so that could be it as well. Well, other than Kaelyn feeling a little green after lunch...they've been perfectly fine. I can't figure it out. They had called me Monday about Emma feeling ill and wanting me to pick her up, which I did and she came home and played outside all day. I am begining to think they are just trying to get kids to go home for any reason. Well, either way, my day did not go as planned. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't as planned. I can't complain, I seem to have been spared not only strep but a virus as well...so knock on wood. Right now the kids are watching The Electric Company...there's a cool video on right now. I'll see if I can find it and post it. I actually want it as a ringtone. Well I can't embed it but I'll leave the link for you. It's Wyclef Jean doing Electric City. Check it out it's cool!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQHijbqEB_E
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Sing that to the tune of "Rawhide" and you have the mood I'm in. A little quacky. Hehe Not much going on. Went to lunch with my parents today, that was nice. And tomorrow I'm going to Decatur with my mom, so that will be fun. At least it'll be out of the house. Finally get to get the window on Chris' car fixed....Monday morning for that. I'll be happy to have my van back again! I still have to work out how I'm gonna get groceries in the morning while my mom is getting her hair cut...I'm one vehicle short. It's turned out to be a nice day today...it started off with a lovely little thunderstorm and now the sun is shining...so not bad. I'm glad the weather is getting warmer...I hate the cold. I like Christmas and all, but after Christmas it's just cold and that just doesn't get it! I just looked around me and realized I am surrounded by sleeping animals. Seriously, every animal in my house is gathered around me and is sleeping. It's kind of creepy. Other than that, just sitting her enjoying the nice quiet of the house.....
Monday, March 8, 2010
Well, the other night Ridge snapped at Attie and I jumped up off the couch and beat him for it. I ended up in the ER because I thought I broke my hand, turns out I just banged it up pretty good...nothing broken. Since then Ridge has been the image of perfection, not a paw out of place. I've been watching him closely, especially when Attie is around. He's gone up to her and headbutted her, walked past her and stood beside her without any issues. And I've gone batty trying to guess what it was that happened. I think she got too close to him and brushed him when he was asleep and it scared him. That's the only thing I can think of. I called the adoption center and talked with them and he does not have a history of aggression, so I'm just drawing a blank on the whole thing. Attie's not afraid of him at all, it seems to have had no effect on her at all. I told the adoption center I'd give it a few days and see what happened and call them back and let them know what was going on. Well the kids just got home, so I'm off....
Friday, March 5, 2010
It's been a boring week. Well, not totally. We did get the den done. Yay!! But I've found that with a nice, clean house...I am bored out of my skull. I am guessing that I will figure out more things to do with my time as I get used to keeping my new schedule. Ridge is settling in pretty well....he's a barker. Which will definitely get you out of bed at 5:30 in the morning. He barks at the cat, he barks at Heat, he barks at me when he thinks I've been on the computer too long. Other than that, life has been non-eventful. I think I'm gonna have to commit to a few more bad habits to fill my time...hehehe. Anyway, my thought for today is that tranquility is a state of mind. I've come to this conclussion while I've sat on my love seat and stared at the wall. I find that I enjoy the sound of a perfectly quiet house. It's nice.....
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I woke up this morning and found that I had a rather nice birthday present outside my door. Snow! About 3 inches of it! It is still snowing heavily and it's lunch time. I just got word that school is being let out early and will start 2 hours late in the morning. Maybe I will get to sleep in a little tomorrow!
Monday, March 1, 2010
It's been forever. Not much going on. Took Attie to the doc today,she has a hemorrhage in her eardrum. They said now that the pain is gone, she shouldn't have any issues with it, but they did put her on antibiotics for her chest congestion. Kaelyn will be testing for her blue belt this weekend. And we got a new greyhound, his name is Ridge and he is huge! He's a brindle and white and just gorgeous.