Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Long overdue update

Well, it's almost a new year. I'm glad to be kicking this year behind me. Lots of things have been going on, but we'll get the psych stuff out of the way first. Went to the doc a few days before Christmas, she's happy with the cocktail of pills I'm on now and I have to admit I feel pretty good. So, no changes in meds this go round. I still have a long way to go, the house is not where I would like it to be, but I'm making little steps towards it. I am hoping that after the first of the year gets here and things settle down I can do individual therapy for a while. That will be something interesting. Christmas was good, the kids got everything they wanted and then some. I did not have as good a Christmas as I wished I had. I was sick before Christmas, so it kind of threw me off. But I guess we all have an off year every now and then. Dad is recovering from his knee replacement well. I've not done as well as he has. I have had to shift my view of my father and it has really bothered me. I have had to shift from him being the strong, all knowing father type to the his body is failing and I can't really deal with it type. His CHF seems fairly under control for the time being. However the pain in his back and leg are not getting any better. He is able to walk with just a cane now, and without one for short distances. I'm just not dealing well with the reality of his health and that he really is a senior citizen. My father has always been the one I've turned to for answers about everything...he has been the one who has beaten death time and again. And now to view him as frail...it seems so wrong. He should not have to face the indignity of having to get old, his health should remain well and steady. I now have the constant fear that he won't be here tomorrow...I think about it all the time and wonder if I'll be ready. (See...refer back to me needing individual therapy) Chris will be starting back to school in a few short weeks. Not sure if I'm ready for that either. I am making it through most nights he is at work fairly well and with a minimum of medication. But this will take him to classes 1 or 2 nights a week on top of work. And then there is the hours of online courses he will be taking. I feel like my world is shifting beneath my feet. I'm not sure what it will look like when it becomes still again. I guess that is all, it's all I have energy for anyways...

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