Sunday, May 27, 2012
When did that happen?
At some point, I grew up. When did that happen? When did I leave the me, me, me of youthfulness and head into the role of caretaker of others? I'm not talking about becoming a mom. Any woman can become a mom with a little practice. I'm talking about being a person that others seek out for comfort and serious council. When did I cross the line and become that person? It kind of took me by suprise, to be honest. I never saw myself in that role. I am totally a self centered person in my view. I think about me and my family and what we need. But I find myself in more and more situations where people are confiding in me, trusting me with things they have not trusted other people with. When did I become responsible enough for that? I think there is a little self doubt, as there always is. But maybe a little smile too, that I have grown to be someone people can feel comfortable talking to. Have I come so far in my journey that now I can begin to give back? Have I made it to that milestone? Should I be scared that I have? Lots of questions. Have I in 3 long years of therapy made that much progress...is it even possible? Is there a light at the end of my tunnel that I can glimpse at now? Is that ever elusive normalacy just around the corner for me? I know that I feel more comfortable in my own skin now days, which is quite the acomplishment. I feel more comfortable around others too. I laugh more, I joke more. I smile alot more. I have more memories. My children smile more, heck, Chris even smiles more. It feels strange to achieve a goal. More strange to have achieved it and not realized it and then it suddenly hits you in the face to get your attention. I think I'm liking this new me. There's still plenty of the sarchasm of the old me in there, the snarky humor. But I also have found that smiling is fun and laughing is even better. I have friends now...real ones. Ones that I can call on and know they will back me up. I have never really had that before. I have added to my family people I never thought of and people I would have never been comfortable with before. But I still come back to the original question...when did it all happen? I'm not sure, but I think it's here to stay.