Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Real life invades again...

Ah, hello day after Christmas. How I've missed you, old friend. The day when reality comes crashing back in reminding you that you that you are nothing more than a weak human. I am struggling today to remain positive and upbeat. It started with a phone call this morning. I think we have a plan for that it's taken care of. But never the less the bubble has been shattered. Real life sets in and doesn't let up.

To be honest this has not been my best Christmas. There have been lots of things that have gone on that have made me very sad, very angry and kind of depressed. Selfishness has made an appearance and tromped on both my Christmas eve and Christmas day. I am fighting bitterness over this. My kids came out smiling in the end, but that shadow that was cast over the makes me angry. You see, like any parent, I want this time of year to be perfect for my kids. I do not want anything to bother them for those few short days. And this didn't happen. I am very angry about it and trying to deal with it.

My husband was forced to miss Christmas day with our family due to things beyond my control...I'm really ill about that. Forgiveness is hard and I'm not there yet. Chris has had to spend so many Christmas's away from home, due to work...this year he had to opportunity to be here for all of it...and it was taken from selfishness. I hope you can see why I'm angry.

On the bright side of life, the kids got lots of neat gifts. Lots of art supplies to draw and paint with. Cookie makers and sno cone makers and dolls and jewelry and clothes and toys and candy and more and more. Lots of good food, too. My house still looks like a bomb went off and spewed wrapping paper every where...but we'll work on that later.

Right now I'm trying to hold on to the thought that good still exists. That I am loved and wanted and that my family is ok. I'm trying to make it through without snapping and letting all the bad things in my head rush out of my mouth. Lord help me. Maybe I will leave you with a song...

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