Pondering things.

I hate not being able to be open about a situation. It annoys me. But I can be open about me and my issues and struggles. So, it will have to do.

Ever had God kick you in the head? Yeah. Pretending to be someone you are not, even if it is for good reasons, is just not a good thing. When you pretend, you can not reach the people you are supposed to reach. How many people did I pass up while I was pretending? How much damage did I do? I pray that none, I pray that God used another person to reach them when I was not in a place to do my job.

I am not meant to look like the main stream "Christians". I am meant to be the creature in Christ that I am. And show that God's love does not depend on your outward appearance. God does not care what your hair color, style, length is. He doesn't care what you dress like. He doesn't care how many piercings and tattoos you have. He LOVES you. Just as you are. God is worried about your heart and soul. He wants you to spend eternity with Him.

Now, when you finally get your relationship with Jesus and you have Him as your Savior. He may speak to you about things. Maybe you will have convictions on the aforementioned things that are between you and God. And when that happens, that bond and covenant will be powerful. If you make a vow to not cut your hair with God, that has power. However, God does not require that of everyone. From each of us He requires different things. And what God requires of you may change as your relationship progresses. And at each stage..those vows you make and hold to will have power.

What am I supposed to be right now? I am supposed to hold on to what makes me unique. My hair. I am supposed to keep it colored and show people God's love. I am to show them that God can love you...just as you are. I am to reach out to those who connect with me through that uniqueness. For me personally, it is ok to wear jeans, funky shirts, have funky colored hair, get my nails done, wear jewelry....most anything I want to. Of course there are limits. Nothing with foul language or offensive. Shorts, if I wear them out, are to be longer. I choose not to wear make up. I only wear jewelry occasionally.

God loves diversity. He loves color and light and such. If He did not...then why so many different skin tones, so many different eye colors? Freckles? Why did He make so many different flowers and creatures? Because He loves diversity. God made us all different inside and out. No two are the same. Let that sink in...there is no one else like you. You may find people who share certain things in common with you...but no one is entirely like you. I can not grasp the power it takes to make so many people and plants and animals and each on of them different. That is power!! God is powerful enough to create all this diversity...and there is no limit to his perfection.

I have 4 dogs in my house. A black Great Dane. A border collie/aussie shepperd mix. And 2 white boxers. The Boxers are the same type of dog...same breed. But they are nothing alike. Summer is goofy and small and loyal to the end. KC is drooly and loves to be up in your lap and love on you 24 hours a day. Summer loves to cuddle too, but she also likes alone time. Even in dogs...God's diversity is apparent. He took that much care to make even the animals individuals. How much more so are we given that love to be who we are????

All this has been stewing in my head as I tried to work out who I was supposed to be. What was I supposed to look like? What types of vows to God was I to take? I've taken a week ( a serious week, a many months of piddling) and thought on these things. I wondered why my prayer life had been so constricted, why I really couldn't raise my hands in praise. Why I didn't feel God. Then something happened and I decided to die my hair again, back to purple. As first it was a rash decision, but then I got down to some serious talking with God about it. And God said...be you, be who you are. So I did. And there was freedom. I could praise again, and I could love God again and I could pray again. Those barriers were removed when I became who I was supposed to be all along. When I stopped trying to fit into this world's views and just became the person I was meant to be. I had been trying to be normal for good reasons. My husband is now a psstor, pastor's wives don't have purple hair. I tried to fit in. But I only bound my spirit and bound what God could do in my life and what He could do through me.

Sometimes obeying God is not what the world expects of us. Sometime God wants us to do what He wants despite they way the world will look at us. I pray that I keep the strength to follow what God wants me to do. Even when it is hard, and I look different and I feel like I don't fit in.